im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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