Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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