Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
