So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
