He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
