I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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