When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
A+ Viking dick
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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