we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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