I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
