Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
