He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
