I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm always down for nudity.
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