You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
