I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
