one word: firstdatebathroomanal
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
