My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
