In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
