Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
