Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
