my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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