I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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