Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dear god my vagina.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
