You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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