I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
