I'm gonna have a badass scar
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
