Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
