READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
