how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
