My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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