those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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