Are we in a gay sports bar?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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