My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
