so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
