; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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