At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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