I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
