She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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