I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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