I like to think it a success when the cops are called
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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