I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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