I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize