the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
