Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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