He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
