my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
