And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
