So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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