im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
