I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
