So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
