I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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