I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize