I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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