you traded sex for a burrito?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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