He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Someone shattered a urinal.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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