based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
