Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
