my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize