I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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