You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
