I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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