Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
