Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
