I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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