Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
