Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
