Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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